Hey,look the door is opening,whispered Alexis.
"Let's go check it out!", screamed Ilene.
"Will you guys quiet down."whispered Patrick.
"Where did you come from?!",screamed Alexis.
THUMP!
"What was t...that!?",exclaimed Patrick.
"Probably some kind of animal",whispered Alexis.
"Patrick is scared",laughed Ilene.
"Iam not!!!",screamed Patrick.
THUMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"It sounded closer this time!!!",yelped Patrick.
"It's probably Cloud",swore Alexis.
"But, won't we get caught?",whispered Ilene.
"You've already been caught!",yelled Cloud.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!",screamed Patrick.
"Oh, stop screaming like a girl Patrick",whispered Alexis.
THUMP,AUGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
"OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH",yelped Patrick.
"You guys, we need to get out of here now",whispered Cloud.
" Um cloud,Alexis is gone",whispered Ilene.
Alexis screamed,"I'm over here you guys!!!".
Crashhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
"ALEXIS BE CAREFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!",screamed Ilene.
"I knew it was a bad idea, I knew it",whimpered Patrick.
" I'm going with her, stay here",whispered cloud.
"I'm worried everyone is gonna get hurt",exclaimed Ilene.
"Alexis went inside!!!",screamed Patrick.
"I'll have to go get her,as I said stay here",exclaimed Cloud.
Screammmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"That was Alexis!!!!!"yelled Ilene.
"We should all go in", exclaimed Patrick.
"We'll have to", swore Cloud.
"Hey you guys, I'm back!!!",screamed Alexis.
"Oh we thought something was wrong",said Ilene
"Why did you scr....scream?", stuttered Patrick.
"I didn't scream?"said Alexis.
"Then who did?"questioned Cloud.
"Hey did you guys notice that all the screaming has stopped?"questioned Patrick.
"Yeah,that's freaky",exclaimed Ilene.
"I made it stop", said Alexis.
"Really?", questioned Cloud.
"I found out that I'm the heir to the house, I have the key,"said Alexis.
"That is so cool!!!",screamed Ilene.
"Well this is a happily ever after for once",exclaimed Cloud.
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ausom sam
ReplyDeleteThis is wonderfully written, Samantha. I like how you have experimented with different said words. I would also like to see you experiment with different dialogue formats: try putting your person said at the beginning and in the middle. Also try to add action to your dialogue so that we can see what's going on with the characters.
ReplyDeleteFinally rememeber, the comma should go INSIDE the quotation marks and not after. If you have exclaimation marks, do not put a comma in at all.